Signs to know you are a chemist or not 
 -All the coffee and pocket protectors you could want!
 - Clark Kent style safety glasses.
 - Exposure to all kinds of toxic and cencerous substances.
 - The "opportunity" to deal with irate clients asking "where are my
 results?"
 - Because it's pHun :)
 - Access to 100% pure ethanol
 - Knowing how to completely dissolve the bodies of your enemies
 - You never have to worry about what you're doing on Friday night
 (You're working in the lab)
 - Permanent goggle marks cheaper than a tattoo.
 - You hope someday to be able to use the word "buckyballs" without bursting
 into a fit of laughter.
 - You wish to be blamed for all faults in the environment.
 - ditto for cancer
 - You are adept at poverty cooking